


Bloodmoon

by villainous_surrender



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Author shamelessly uses Kylo Ren to write sappy love poems, Dream Sequences, Dream Sharing, F/M, Fighting Like An Old Married Couple, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo is trying to be a big bad Sith lord while failing miserably and also trying to win over Rey, Redemption, Sexual Tension, Snoke Is A Creep, Vaguely sexual dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-09-15 11:06:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9232118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villainous_surrender/pseuds/villainous_surrender
Summary: He scoffs. “Believe me, I hold no ounce of regret in informing you that you wanted it. Even, if it was for just a second. I saw the look on your face that matched my own. I saw your hesitance .”“You don’t know a thing about me, Kylo Ren.” She points the hilt of her lightsaber at him accusingly.“That’s a lie, and we both know it.’ She knows he’s referring to the bond between them. “No encounter leaves one untouched. You’re in me, but I’m in you too.”Sappho's Fragment #34:stars around the beautiful moonhide back their luminous formwhenever all full she shineson the earthsilvery





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am supposed to be updating another one of my wips, but instead I'm gonna take a shot at writing a force-bond fic with some smutty funsies. This is purely experimental in style with the moon as a recurring motif. I expect to wrap this up in a few more chapters.

Kneeling in front of his window, Kylo Ren gazes up to the moon. This moon is the angriest moon he’s ever seen, a bloodmoon. It’s the size of a sun, its red hue sticking out like an open wound in the nearly black, starless sky. The planet he’s on, Vjun, is permanently caught in a unique orbit between the planet’s moon and sun. The sun’s rays manage to leak through the planet’s atmosphere, giving the moon its color.  

After Kylo defeated Snoke, he fled to this planet for various reasons. For one, few would rarely venture to this nearly dead planet with its deadly acid rainfall, giving him some time before the First Order regroups and starts hunting him down. Also, his grandfather, Darth Vader, studied the dark side of the force here, building Bast Castle during his stay. Kylo flees to that which is most familiar to him.

Kylo can bear the near darkness, even the acid rainfalls. It’s the silence that’s the most uncomfortable—the silence of dead, discarded bones. Even the ghosts of his past can’t reach him here, but that doesn’t mean they don’t affect him.

On nights like these, when the sins he’s committed weight down on his conscious too much, he looks to the moon, confessing to something larger than him. He used to speak to his grandfather’s mask, but it was lost after his failure at Starkiller base, all because of the scavenger and her companions. Unlike his grandfather’s mask, the moon calms his erratic mind, which is like a shuddering volcano, prone to erupt, and more than his body can contain.

“I tortured a man today for information on Rey’s whereabouts,” he says. “At that point, it would have been a mercy to kill him. He can never be the same now.” He didn’t feel guilty for torturing the man exactly—he’d do anything to get to Rey. He just knew she would be displeased with him.

No response from the moon, as typical. He wishes that the moon would notice him back, maybe chastise him, set him on the right path, or just drown him in moonlight, tarnish him.

Nights like these have been more common since he’d killed his father and discovered that it didn’t give him the strength that Snoke promised it would, nor tie him to the dark side. That was part of the reason for killing his former master. As was meeting the scavenger.

Since he’d entered her mind on Starkiller base, he’s been able to sense her from afar, not enough know exactly where she is—she’s rather good at hiding herself from him. But enough that he sees her in his dreams and sometimes even experiences her memories. One thing he cannot understand is how she’s managed to stay so good, so pure with the life she’s had: abandoned by her parents, forced to fend for herself, every morning waking up wondering if she would go to bed starving. She’s dark too but somehow the light within her always prevails.

Staring down at his hands, all he can see is red, even though he’s never used his bare hands to kill a man. He lets out a frustrated groan and runs his fingers through hair, his grip pulling too hard on the ends. Her light is getting to him, seeping between the cracks of his shattered being.

He gathers himself up and treads to his bed, slumping into it. Tossing and turning, it takes awhile for the blanket of sleep to fall over his head.

* * *

 

In his dreams tonight, he sees her.

He walks through the woods, those same woods on Takodana where he first met her.

The wind rustles through his hair and fallen leaves crackle with each step he takes, as if he’s set them aflame.

He comes to a steam and leans down to grab a handful of the water, never in his life has he been so thirsty. When he brings his head up after having his fill, he’s met with the sight of her, standing a few feet away from him, all luminous and lathered in moonlight. The moon hangs full and fertile in the starry, night sky above them, white, pristine and simple in its beauty.

A band of flowers sits atop Rey’s head, blooms of color: pink and purple and orange and yellow, reminds him of the sunset. She wears a white dress that reaches to her ankles, soaked to the bone, so that it clings to her, reminding him of milk and honey. He can see her naked body, each elegant curve as it delves and dips. Sights like these would usually arouse him, but he’s merely struck by her beauty. He wants to reach out to touch her, but he’s afraid she’ll turn to ash in his arms, just like everything’s he’s touched. _Too holy, too divine,_ he thinks.  

He opens his mouth instead, offers his words to her like an outreaching hand. “Join me,” he urges. “We can take back the night, the dark, _together_.” He clenches his fist and points to the moon above them.

“You’ve asked me this before, and my answer remains as it did back then.” She wrings out the water from her hair, the stream beneath them trickling. “I am not a creature of the dark.”

He shakes his head. “I’ve seen the darkness in your heart. You’re no Jedi, so stop trying to be one. Luke Skywalker did not teach you all that there is to the force. You barely even touched the surface with him.”

She shakes her head.

“Please,” he begs. “Just tell me where you are. I would never hurt you.”

“It’s not that which frightens me. And anyways, having me at your side will not wash away your sins.” She glances up towards the stars and then back to him. “I’m not the pretender here. You are.” She walks closer to him, creating ripples in the stream's surface. The ripples brush against his knees, making her presence known. “You deny it, but there is light in you.” She’s close enough to touch now, close enough that if he just leaned over he could brush his lips against hers. “You have to let the light in, Kylo.”

With her words, he feels like he’s being pulled apart from the center, cracking.  

* * *

 

It’s her eyes that open, as he shouts her name just before she slips away. Lying on the plush bed, much too comfortable for her taste, Rey rolls over, emitting a groan.

The moon from last night’s dream reminds her of the night the moon stood so close to the rippling sands of Jakku, she thought she could reach out and touch it. A full moon. The next morning she woke up with blood between her legs and a clenching pain in her abdomen that nearly knocked her off her feet. _I hear you, moon,_ she thought, while clutching her stomach, trying to hold herself together.

She’s over the moon and certainly doesn’t like what it’s supposed to do. On those sleepless nights when all she could think about was her family’s absence, she’d descend from her AT-AT walker and sit on the sand, gazing up at the moon, shivering into her jacket. All the moon ever made her feel was longing, hoping that her family was looking at the same moon or some other moon and thinking of her too. She’d heard from the older female scavengers that the moon was tied to a woman’s monthly cycle, supposed to ovulate you, menstruate you.

No, the moon was no good. It always meant that night was approaching when it was too cold and dark to scavenge, so all she could do was sit around and wait, wait for the next day, wait for her family. The sun always roused her, gave her purpose. She could handle the heat, even the blazing light, but she couldn’t handle the long, chilly nights. Sometimes the moon would disappear for nights on end, leaving the planet cloaked in utter darkness. On those nights, the sands would look like a black sea—Rey feared she would drown in those sands, in darkness. The sun never did that, rising every single day, so sure, strong and reliable.

Now, she isn’t on Jakku but inside a hotel on Spira, a popular resort world full of beautiful beaches. Yet the memory of Jakku is stitched in her memory. She wonders if she’ll ever shake the sand from her bones.

General Organa urged her to take a vacation after receiving news that her son killed Snoke, and the First Order was sent into chaos, temporarily disbanded. Urged was the wrong word, more like forced. Rey believes the Resistance needs her now more than ever. The First Order is at its weakest, and she’s spending her days sitting on the beach, sipping fruity, overly sweet drinks and gazing out to the endless sea.

A knot in her stomach, Rey stares up at the ceiling, utterly disturbed by the dream with Kylo or rather her actions in the dream: she actually wanted to help him. As of late, the dreams are becoming more frequent, and she even has what she can only describe as visions: where she’s suddenly yanked out of her reality and pulled into his memories, experiencing them firsthand. With the life he’s had, it isn’t surprising she’s begun to feel sympathy for the monster.

 _No,_ she thinks. _He’s nothing but a monster. He killed his own father, tried to kill Finn, and would have killed me too on Starkiller base, if I hadn’t prevented it._

 _I was never trying to kill you,_ she hears his voice in her mind, causing it to tremble. The invasion. _All my jabs were defensive. I was merely trying to prevent you from plunging a lightsaber through my chest._

 _Go away,_ she replies. _Will I never have any peace? I see you in my dreams at night. Can the day not be my own?_

_There can be no peace with us, beloved._

_I am not your beloved._

_How long will you keep this up, Rey? I’m tired of chasing you around the galaxy. I swear it’s like chasing after the krifing moon._

_Then, maybe you should stop and take a hint for once. I don’t want you._

_Have you forgotten that night on Ahch-to, then? Or need I remind you._

She feels a jolt in the base of her spine, slithering all the way up to the nape of her neck, the reminiscence of a kiss that left her reeling. _That night was a mistake, a lapse in judgment._ She shoves him outside of her mind, shaking her head. It is not her job to fix him, put his broken pieces back together. He has to want it. What can he even offer her?

She sits down on the floor with her spine in perfect alignment and begins to meditate, trying to dispel his presence out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Star Wars EU references: 
> 
> Vjun (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Vjun/Legends) 
> 
> Bast Castle (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Bast_Castle) 
> 
> Spira (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Spira) 
> 
> The "drown him in moonlight" part is a reference to Carrie Fisher. May the force be with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let y'all know that I was hegelstriad when I first posted this story. Now, I'm villainous_surrender. 
> 
> Now, on with the story: We are stepping back in time from the first chapter to their first meeting months after Starkiller Base. Basically, Kylo receives orders from Snoke to track down Skywalker to make up for his loss at Starkiller, but he gets distracted by a certain scavenger girl on the way ;)

When Kylo Ren’s starship breaches Alch-To’s atmosphere, the crescent moon hangs in the night sky, milk-colored and jagged around the edges, as if to cut the sky in half. He senses Rey’s presence on this island, albeit without Skywalker’s. His orders were to find Skywalker and bring him to Snoke. He figured he could find the scavenger and question her about Skywalker, just a small detour in his mission.

He gazes at the stars scattered around him while contemplating his best plan of action. Since Starkiller Base, he and the girl were bonded in the force, which is how he was able to find her so easily, like following a thread, hoping it would lead him to Skywalker. He will use this bond to his advantage.

A sinking feeling turns over in his stomach, a bitter bile, as his Master’s words echo across his mind: _Don’t let your compassion for the girl cloud your judgment._ He isn’t. The ends justify the means in this case.

The stars surround the moon, surround him, outshining everything else in the black vastness of the sky. He thinks of home for a brief second or a place he once called home.

* * *

 

Those same stars remind Rey of the ones in Jakku, bright and insistent, even demanding. As a child, she often looked to the stars and imagined she could hopscotch her way to where her family was using them. Now, she knows that stars cannot deliver happiness, even as beautiful as they are, and that stars don’t listen to prayers and wishes made at bedside, that the stars don’t give a damn. They just burn and rage all the same, a lot like her.

In tonight’s case, the stars bring a death wish, or rather, a death promise. _I didn’t ask for this,_ she tells the stars silently. Before she sees him, she feels him, a tugging at the back of her mind, a tingle at the base of her mind, startling and alerting her.

It wasn’t always like this—her dreams weren’t interwoven with his, his presence wasn’t within her mind, a shadow hovering over her. No, her mind was her own before Starkiller Base. Before he’d forced himself into her mind and before she’d done the same to give him a taste of his own medicine, a turning of the tables, a reversal of roles that caught them both off guard. She was seeking a weakness, a secret even, but instead she glimpsed into the truth, barely hitting the peak of a mountain, but the truth nonetheless, and it was far more terrible. Monsters weren’t supposed to be set up for the slaughter.

 _No, Rey, he is_ still _a monster._ Even with his inner turmoil, he still killed his own father; he chose to do that. And the monster is coming for her. She knew he was coming for a few days now, what for, she is unclear on, but she has her suspicions, which is why she forced Skywalker to leave. She told him to find the Resistance and that she’d join him soon. She left out the part where she planned to stay and take Kylo on by herself. _She’d done it once. She could do it again. He wouldn’t take away another person that she loves._

Since her training with him, she’d grown fond of Luke. He had kind, blue eyes, a hue she’d never seen much of until she landed on this island. She found he was easy to confide in, and he never pressed her to talk about her emotions or her life.

Rey doesn’t allow herself to press over these thoughts. She knows Kylo plans to hunt her down, knows it bone-deep, so she gathers a few belongings: food and water for a couple days, a wrap for the cold, and her lightsaber before stalking into the night. The plan isn’t to avoid him altogether—she knows their paths will cross. The plan is to delay him as much as possible. If he wants her, he can come get her. The longer he pursues her, the better for her mentor.

She takes to the trees, knowing the higher ground will be her advantage. She hasn’t been here long, but she knows this land. As her feet graze against the edge of the thick jungle, she finds the nearest tree, one with a thick trunk and large branches, the roots digging deep into the dirt. She jams her foot into the crook of this tree, where it dips down enough to form a crevice, and swings her other leg over a branch, hooking her arm around it to hoist herself up. She was built to swing from trees, to walk among giants. She scoffs internally, surely the former Prince of Alderaan couldn’t trek his way through strangling vines and glistening leaves, full of moisture.

Her feet skim over the branches of the trees, light and quick, gliding and striding. The leaves fall from above, embedding themselves into her hair, the wind whispering in her ears, as her heart pounds inside her ribcage.

She feels lighter than fire, lighter than smoke. The only thing she dislikes is the humidity, how it sticks to her skin and coats her in a second layer, her sweat pouring down the sides of her face in pelts. _Still,_ she thinks, _better than being at Jakku._

She slows and comes to a stop, perching herself into a large tree with a wide, flat center, caving in to form a bed-like structure. She shrugs and sets down her things, deciding to sleep here for the night. She’s slept in worse places. The thick leaves of the tree form a canopy over her head, the shadows of the jungle concealing her. Their bond simmers, very faint with all her defenses up. When she told Luke about the bond, he told her she couldn’t get rid of it, that the effects would be detrimental, but she could learn to block him out, to lessen his hold on her. Luke taught her to put up walls, to go to a place where _he_ could never find her.

Putting Luke’s tricks to use, she draws the curtains around her mind, forming a protective layer, a cocoon around herself, and drifts to sleep or the closest she can get to it. She couldn’t really fall asleep, knowing he would find her before the sun set tomorrow.

* * *

 

During an in-between state of wakefulness and sleep, she doesn’t know if this is a dream or a memory. She suspects it is both, but she knows that it doesn’t belong to her. She’s not exactly present in the dream, more like an invisible bystander, unable to interact with the environment around her, her voice stripped from her.

She stands at the base of a grand case of stairs with a velvet carpet beneath her. The gleam of the city lights seeping through the window illuminates her, and her mouth falls open as her gaze sets at the window. She’s never seen anything like this on the worlds she’s visited before: towering skyscrapers made of clean, straight lines with glass panels, the moon’s reflection captured in each window of the buildings. She sees the lights, or rather, the lights see her, demanding her attention, a plethora of reds and blues and purples and pinks, shifting and revolving around each other, iridescent, like a fish streaming through water, as the sunlight ripples across their scales. The lights seem to be conveying some message, but for what purpose she doesn’t know.

If she hadn’t heard it before, she certainly hears it now—the raised voices, the shouting, so full of vitriol, bitter to the taste, sharp to the touch. The voices seem to claw and spit at each other in the air, _seething._

A man storms out of the bedroom to the right of the staircase, the door slamming against the wall as he rushes out. He tramples down the stairs, his pace quick and careless, often taking two steps at a time. Rey gasps when she realizes exactly who this man is: the young Han Solo. He’s not as young as the holos she’s seen of him when he was a Rebellion hero, but he’s much younger than when he passed away. His eyes aren’t so tired, his gait more confident and purposeful. Rey frowns at the thought of how much he’s been through over the years.

Leia Organa trails after him moments later, wearing her hair long and wild—Rey had never seen her like this. Her light blue chemise catches the dim moonlight at just the right angle, making her seem ethereal. This is how Rey imagined her own mother always looked like.

Just as Han reaches the door, Leia screams at him, “Fine! Go ahead, and leave like you always do!” Her eyes say anything but: _Please stay just this once,_ they seem to reveal.

His hand brushes over the doorknob, stalling, and he turns to face her, his expression drooping with that of a man who has been through this one too many times. Just above a whisper, he says, “It’s not like you want me here anyway. Always so overbooked with meetings and goddamned _brunches_ to spend time with your own husband and kid.” With that, he dashes out the door before she can even reply, not looking back because he can’t stand the look on her face when he does leave.

Leia places her head in her hands, her frame trembling slightly, and when she lifts her face, Rey sees tears streaming down her face.

 _No,_ Rey thinks, _surely great women like General Leia Organa don’t cry late at night when their loved ones leave._

“Mommy?” A voice whispers from behind them, half-strangled and shy.

Leia brings her hands to her face to wipe her tears away and straightens her back.

The child clutches a plush blanket to his chest, a disheveled heap of dark hair spilling out from his head. When the city lights cascade around him, Rey nearly gasps at her recognition of the young Kylo Ren, when he was Ben Solo. He looks to be around two years old.

He drifts down the stairs, dazed in a way where he isn’t sure if he’s caught in a dream or a memory, struggling to remember, struggling to forget. He says, “Why did Daddy leave again?” his soft feet padding against the wood of the stairs.

Once he reaches his mother, Leia lowers herself to gather him in her arms, cradling him to her chest and rocking him slightly from side-to-side. “Do you remember when Mommy took you to that tropical planet, and we stayed at a camp while I made negotiations with the local tribesmen?”

He nods, “I remember. I was hot but sticky hot. I didn’t like it.”

She presses him a little tighter to her chest. “I know, sweetie.”

His eyes implore her to continue forward, giving her a tug in the force. Han never liked it when they did that.

“Remember those nasty little bugs, the mosquitoes, and how they kept drifting towards the lights even though it killed them?”

He nods.

“Your father is kind of like that, except he follows lights all over the galaxy.”

“Like the stars?”

She hums a yes. “And if he stayed in one place, flying towards one light, he would die, not physically, but die inside. You don’t want him to die, do you?”

He shakes his head. “I just wish Daddy would say how long he’ll be gone.”

“Me too, honey.” She strokes his hair and kisses him on the forehead. “Let’s go back to sleep, okay?”

“Can I sleep with you, Mommy? I promise I’ll be good.”

“Yes.”

As Rey watches the silhouettes of mother and son travel up the stairs, she’s pulled out the dream, but not without Kylo’s interjection: how his understanding later turned to resentment, how his desperate, almost begging “ _Come back_ ” turned to “ _And when you leave, take your pictures with you._ ”

In the next dream, she floats within a stream of light, as it envelopes her, merges to her own consciousness. She turns slowly yet so fast at the same time, never quite moving up or down, just in an odd state of equilibrium. She’s the sun, she realizes.

A huge swarm of mosquitoes advances towards her, flying the way only a mosquito does times a million: in small, rapid circles that are never perfect, all at different frequencies, erratic and panicked, like they don’t know where to go, so blinded by the light. The buzzing overwhelms her senses, worse than a shiver, worse than a cringe. They whisper, seem to slither across her skin: _Snoke, Snoke, Snoke._

Kylo Ren appears next to her in the womb, except it’s all wrong, because he’s completely grown, and the last thing she sees is the mosquitoes surrounding him, before they blur her whole vision, and she’s falling and falling with nothing below her to catch her, nothing around her to grab onto, just a vast bleakness, a night so dark it descends to nothing, a shade far darker than black. The buzzing that was so overpowering just a moment ago is now a faint memory. She’s no one; she’s nothing.

* * *

 

When she wakes, she jolts upright, choking on the air in her lungs, and she barely gathers her things before she starts running and running until the end of day. She knows he’s after her. The leaves fall her and whisk past her, their succulent, green hue turning to yellow, as the sun rises, catching fire.

She runs until it feels like she’s breathing shattered glass through her lungs, seems like hours, seems like days. She refuses to turn her head back because she senses him behind her, as if he’s breathing down her neck, as if to paralyze her.

* * *

 

He chases her to a cliff at the edge of the island. When he picked up her scent in the thick heat of the forest, it was barely daybreak. Now, it’s sundown, the sun a red-orange color bleeding into the sky.

He stops a few feet behind her just as she whirls around to face him, her cheeks flushed. Her fist reaches for her lightsaber, clenching over it in a fist, and her jaw locks in frustration, the grind of her teeth stopping to set her face in stone.

Before he can make the first move, she bursts forth in an offensive move, jabbing at him.

He hurls to the side, barely missing her lightsaber, his breath coming out in haggard huffs. They’re both exhausted. Now, it’s just a matter of who’s more exhausted, and that’s who will lose the fight.

Switching up her technique, she dashes around him, trying to find an opening at one of his sides because she isn’t strong enough to face him head-on at the moment. Before she changes her mind, she swings at him, but he catches on, meeting her halfway, locking their blades together just before her strike. Their sabers form an “X” shape, blocking out the sun in the sky.

He takes their current stasis as an opportunity to say, “It seems that you’ve improved since we last fought. You’re more centered.”

“I have a good teacher,” she grits out through her teeth.

He snorts.  

She hears the echo of “ _You need a teacher_ ” nearly lost in the bleakness of the snow. Her skin crawls at the thought of taking him up on his offer.

“And where is your teacher now?” By shifting his weight from one side to another, he manages to get the upper hand, dragging her saber down towards the ground.

Rey holds her ground, keeping her footing even, her eyes challenging him where her strength is failing her. “He’s long gone by now.” Her eyes narrow. Seeing an opening, she slides her lightsaber out from under his and kicks him on the side, her foot digging into him, as she uses his body as leverage to lunge herself away from him.

He stalks towards her, his face twisted in a menacing grimace, and says, “Just like a typical scavenger to fight so dirty, so _simple._ ”

She backs away from him to decide on her next move.

“Why so silent all of a sudden, hm?”

She spits at him, too far to hit his face, but close enough to fall on his shoe, enough to wound his pride.

He maneuvers towards her, as she steps away. “You want to fight dirty, huh?” He taunts. His hand lifts into the air, and she expects him to force-shove her, so she braces herself for impact, using the force around her to cover her like a protective shield. Instead, she feels her lightsaber get knocked out of her hands. She whips around to watch it fall over the cliff into the roaring ocean.

She turns back around for a split second, met with the sight of Kylo Ren and his lightsaber, the hue of the dying sun. She isn’t sure if it’s brash stupidity or unwavering pride, but she knows she’s screwed either way, so she dashes off in the other direction, jumping off the cliff, diving into the sun. She figures it’s better to take her chances at finding her lightsaber within the deep waves than dying at the hands of a monster. She’d rather sink into the sands of Jakuu. It all happens so fast, but before she knows it, she hits the surface of the water, like shattering a glass, and it’s so terrifying but so beautiful at the same time.

What Rey misses before she makes the jump is how Kylo Ren distinguishes his lightsaber, shaking his head at how she read the situation. He’d meant to cast his lightsaber aside and fight her in hand-to-hand combat. He rushes over to the side of the cliff and scans for her figure, but the girl is nowhere to be seen. _Stupid girl,_ he thinks. Then, he feels her thrashing, struggling from beneath the surface.

Rey manages to breach the surface for a heaving gasp of air before being plunged back down by the force of the waves, trapped in a blind panic. The ocean is a swirling mass around her, blurring her vision and drawing her down. _This is what darkness must feel like,_ she thinks—her thoughts passing through him.

 _Not for those who know how to swim,_ he replies back, but she doesn’t hear him.  

Before he knows it, he yanks off his mask and stripes off his robes until he’s left in just his undergarments. With his lightsaber in hand, he jumps over the cliff after her, the water slapping against his skin and shaking his bones. The current is strong and unforgiving, the waves hitting against the cliff so hard it resembles the rumble of thunder, but Kylo manages to trudge through.

When he reaches her, she doesn’t even recognize him. She just feels two arm-like structures wrapping around her, and she believes it’s the ocean trying to push her down further. She flails her arms and legs, raging against the tide. She will not go gently, a survivor to the bitter end.

 _Stop kicking!_ he shouts into her mind. _I’m trying to help you!_

The intrusion in her mind stuns her, her ministrations stopping briefly, before she continues again, trying to move away from her enemy. _She doesn’t need his help._

This time in a gentle, coaxing tone, he says, _It’s okay, I’ve got you._

She hesitates, but she knows she’s out of options. She surrenders to him, surrenders to the tide, and he sees the grin that sprouts over her face, full of triumph over obtaining her lightsaber by using the force just before she passes out, her hand wrapping around it. Kylo cradles her to his chest, keeping her head above the water, and lets the waves take them to the shore.

When they reach a point where he can stand, he takes both of their lightsabers and throws them to the shore, _a truce of sorts,_ he thinks. He then lifts her up into his arms, walking to the shore to set her down gently.

Her lack of movement and faint breathing alarms him greatly. He reaches out his hand to her shoulder and shakes her, but she remains still. Panic begins to build in his gut, and he frantically places his face over hers, breathing air into her lungs. He won’t let her die like this. _She deserves better than that,_ he thinks. Tapping into the side of the force that he rarely uses, nearly lost to him after all those years, he guides it to stream into her.

A few moments later, she opens her eyes to the sight of his face atop hers, and she shoves him away from her, scurrying from him. “Get away from me, you _monster_!” she shouts.

“You still feel animosity towards me, even though I just saved your life.” He shakes his head, emitting an offended scoff.

“You expect me to be thankful when you’re the one who threw my lightsaber over the cliff!” At the moment, he’s a threat to her, and she’ll do whatever she can to eliminate the threat. When she kicks at him, she doesn’t even hesitate. Knocking him off his feet, she makes him land on his back and straddles him in an instant. She locks him in place, her knees digging into his sides, the skim of her thighs brushing against his hipbones. She pins his arms above his head, her chest heaving in his face.

She’s exhausted, the kind of exhaustion she felt when she had to scavenge at noon on Jakku because barely anyone else was out, so she’d have a better chance of finding something good, the kind of exhaustion that bleaches your bones and grinds down your muscles, that near-death exhaustion.

“I didn’t expect you to jump off the _kriffing_ cliff, especially when you don’t know how to swim.”

She scowls at him with a defiant fire in her eyes.“I would’ve been fine. And I especially don’t need any favors from _you_.”

He struggles to meet her eyes, match her light fire with his own dark one, give her his best scowl, but ultimately fails due to his position. He can sense her light, especially now, how it simmers at the edges, how it draws him towards her, making him want to lather himself in her light. She looks rather beautiful like this with the sun streaming through her damp hair, as it spills over her shoulders, barely touching him.

His look of amazement baffles her, and she tilts her head to the side.

Taking advantage of her confusion, he pushes himself up, thick thighs wrapping around her slim figure and flips her onto her back. His hipbones jut into her skin, as he holds both her arms in place above her head with just one of his. “It sure as hell didn’t seem like that. I felt your panic. I heard your screams as if they were my own,” he says with a kind of deep-rooted passion, a kind of understanding. “But that’s not the point.  The question I have is: Would you rather die beneath the waves on this island in the middle of nowhere than be saved by the hands of a monster, as you call me? Am I really so horrendous?”

She doesn’t meet his heated gaze, meant to pluck and pick her apart bit by bit, as she is unable to formulate an answer.

“I said this once, and I’ll say it again: You need a teacher,” except this time he smirks down at her.

Looking down where his body meets hers, only then does she realize their position and what it implies, taking in his scantily-clad appearance and his bare skin pressed against hers. She squirms under him to free herself from his grasp.

He continues, turning her face to force her to look at him, “You’ve improved greatly, but you could be _so_ much better. I could help you unlock your full potential.”

She stills, her breaths coming out in loud huffs. He knows she’s fatigued. “My answer is the same as it was before.” She tries to steer the conversation in another direction by saying, “And anyway, aren’t you here for Skywalker? I won’t give you _anything_ by the way.”

“No, Rey, Skywalker can wait. I’m here for you.”

Her breath hitches in her throat. While gazing up at him, she feels the sand sinking beneath her, as the waves kiss the shore, and she feels like she’s falling, and she doesn’t like it one bit. She especially doesn’t like it when he draws his face closer to hers, his eyes about to flutter shut. The sun dips low over the horizon about to descend, and she knows where this is about to go, knows from all those romance tales that scavengers passed among themselves in Jakku about how people ride off into the sunset, but it’s not quite right because this confuses her and tempts her a little, although she won’t admit it to herself.

Just as he’s about to close in on her, just as the planet is about to be covered in darkness, the force hums a song, lulling her, lathering her, and she turns her face away, her cheek planted against the sand. _No chance, no way,_ she says.

He stops himself before he crashes his lips against the wall of her cheek, the tip of his nose brushing against the soft skin, and he emits a disappointed huff.

“Get off of me, you huge bantha!”

He concedes, his pride wounded.

Once she’s on her feet, she dashes away from him until she’s at a respectable distance. “Clearly your idea of ‘training’ is different than mine. _Disgusting._ ” She scans the beach for her lightsaber, her eyes landing on it not too far behind Kylo. She calls to it, and it comes.

He scoffs. “Believe me, I hold no ounce of regret in informing you that you wanted it. Even, if it was for just a second. I saw the look on your face that matched my own. I saw your _hesitance_.”

“You don’t know a thing about me, Kylo Ren.” She points the hilt of her lightsaber at him accusingly.

“That’s a lie, and we both know it.’ She knows he’s referring to the bond between them. “No encounter leaves one untouched. You’re in me, but I’m in you too.”  

“You may be right, but if that’s the case, then I’ve got something on you too.” Then she projects that moment on Starkiller Base when she entered his mind onto him, the part when she said “ _You_ ... _You’re afraid that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader,”_ and the moment just before that, when he held his mask in his hands and prayed to it, saying “ _Forgive me, I feel it again. The pull to the light.”_

His eyes widen, his breath catching in his chest. He didn’t know she knew about _that._ Then: the force hitches, a string coming into his line of sight. He perks up, as it calls to him. “I have business to attend to elsewhere.” He summons his lightsaber. “I promise you, I will be back for you, Rey. I may be tasked with Skywalker, but don’t worry, I haven’t abandoned you. I’m not _Skywalker,_ ” he seethes when he says his uncle’s name.

“I’ll be long gone by then Kylo Ren.” She knows this is a game now, a game of who can catch who first, a game of hunter and prey, but she can certainly make this a game of who _leaves_ first. He wants her the most after all. If she is a distraction, she can use it against him. She would do whatever it takes to keep her loved ones safe, far away from him.

“Until next time.” He waves at her, turning to leave.

Once he’s gone, she kicks at the sand, cursing the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Comments, critiques, and questions are always welcome :) 
> 
> This is gonna be one of those stories that is less action-oriented and more focused on the characters feelings/emotions. It will be about the force bond and their relationship as it develops over time with everything else kind of taking the background. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty open as to where this story will go, so if you want to chat with me/have some suggestions, you can find me on tumblr @villainous-surrender.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, where do you think you are going?” Leia shakes her head slightly and takes the serious and commanding tone she does when she gives orders to run a rebellion, “Tell me about the connection you and Kylo have.”
> 
> Rey’s mouth falls open, and she stammers out, “You knew about that?” She lowers her head, like a scolded child, as she sits back into the chair. She knew that Leia was force-sensitive, but not quite to that extent.
> 
> “Of course, I knew about it. I’d know my son anywhere, and you reek of him.”

The moment the sun cracks open over the horizon, pouring light all over the island, Rey rises, purposeful and painfully awake. Barely before she can stretch out her muscles and roll out her neck, she checks the bond, finding his end to be silent much to her satisfaction. Next, she scans the makeshift hut for items she needs for her journey and gathers them. Once she reaches the Millennium Falcon, she jams the coordinates for the Resistance base on Coruscant into her system.  She’d meant what she said when she told Kylo that she wouldn’t be here when he’s decided he had time for their game of cat and mouse. Naturally, her next course of action is to seek out the Resistance. Full of people she loves, it was the closest thing she had to home, to a family, and she was going to do whatever was necessary to keep them safe.

Just before she jumps to hyperspace, she catches a glimpse of how the sky and sea melt into one and wonders if that’s what she would have seen if she’d met her fate in the ocean before _he’d_ intervened. She shakes her head, burying these thoughts to a place so deep not even she can reach them. She’d learned a long time ago to take one battle at a time, and today, she knows she can’t afford to be at war with herself, not in the middle of this long battle with forces much larger than herself, and when there are real, palpable enemies who dress in black garb and stalk their prey with an intimidating gait, promising things like glory, like “I’ll be back for you.” She clutches her lightsaber in her hand, her face set in gritty determination.  

* * *

 

Through the main viewport of her ship, Rey watches the night envelop the day, as it gives way to the rise of the moon. Soon after, she feels the lull to sleep and engages the autopilot, just before drifting off to slumber to the passing of luminescent stars.

*

And when her eyes close, it’s Kylo’s that open. His eyes dart around his environment, as he observes how blurry and vibrant and inconsistent everything is, then he realizes he’s present inside her dreams. Rey’s presence sticks out to him, just as it did in his own dreams, as the only hint of incandescent light in the bleak atmosphere of his subconscious mind. She knows he’s there too, and for some reason, she’s not quite so combative, more open even. However, she doesn’t fail to express her annoyance at his intrusion.

As if I have a choice, he tells her. Still, he’s not necessarily upset by the situation. The scavenger has always intrigued him, even from the beginning. Now, she does more than intrigue him; she entices him. However, the scene before him is anything but enticing, a memory rather than a dream. When he first stepped foot on Jakku in person, he had been spared the _true_ experience.

He witnesses as a younger Rey (perhaps fourteen or fifteen) walks through Niima Outpost, passing various cartels that display fat pieces of meat and succulent, colorful fruits, so large that they spill out the sides. The girl looks at them longingly, and a hand falls over her stomach, the other on her staff. Kylo begins to grind his teeth, but he stops himself, his jaw locking in place before settling. He notices that she fashions her hair in three buns, the way she did when he first met her. Now, she wears her hair in a half-up, half-down style, which he prefers.

Rey wanders past Nimma Outpost and approaches the slum, full of boarded up houses and abandoned buildings, barely sparing a glance towards any of them on this moonless night. The more she ventures into the slum, the more the lights fade, and the shadows become part of the architecture of the city, seem to exhale and inhale with every closing of a door and shutting of a window. Rey wears a black cloak to blend into the darkness. She stops at a cantina alive with blaring music and a robust crowd, as they argue with each other and shout orders at the servers. Dipping into the alley just beside the establishment, she hides, resembling an owl perched in a tree, ready to strike.

Her gaze fixes on the front door, scrutinizing couples shuffling in and out as they hold hands and graze shoulders, as well as large groups of people pushing and shoving each other through the entrance, rowdy and boisterous as if they are performing in a play albeit without the artistic expertise and practiced queues. A half-hour later, a single man exits, stumbling and tripping over himself. Rey scans her surroundings and finding no one else around, she emerges from her hiding place and strikes hard and fast with her staff, knocking the man over his head. Pulling him into the alley, she searches him for credits, placing them into her cloak. Then, she makes a hasty retreat, but Kylo sees the look on her face just before she leaves: the guilt, causing her countenance to droop, yet her desperation wins over.

Kylo doesn’t judge her for her actions; he would have done the same thing and _worse_.

Kylo watches her trek her way to her home: an AT-AT walker. Before she lies down in her makeshift bed for the night, Rey scratches in a single notch on the wall.

“They’re coming for me. I know they are. I just have to keep track of my time here, so that they can see I waited for them, and they’ll want me as much as I want them, and it’ll be all okay,” she says, spoken as a promise, as a prayer.

Kylo’s eyes fall to the thousands of notches on the wall, his mouth falling open slightly, and he feels something inside him break. _Who would have left someone like Rey on this backwater planet?_ He feels the urge to wrap his arms around the younger Rey, to comfort her. He thinks maybe if thinks had been different, maybe if he’d found her on that scrap of rock in the galaxy way before the traitor had, he could have convinced her to come with him and saved her from this fate, but there are as many maybes as there are stars in the sky, and you still can’t change what has already been done. Suddenly Kylo remembers the image of his father when he was always the happiest: aboard the Millennium Falcon, sunstruck and beaming, one eyebrow curved up over the other in robust confidence, as he maneuvered through the skies, and Kylo almost _wretches_ from the guilt and the grief, but before he can, he shoves it aside to where all his traitorous thoughts reside.

It’s the lightning-fast change of scenery from black night to bright daylight that rips him from his memories. This time Rey waits in line at Unkar Plutt’s concession stand, clutching her most recent scavenge to her chest, looking out for prying fingers and wandering eyes. A few spaces behind her, two Teedo scavengers, native to the planet, engage in conversation.

The taller one, a male, whose wrappings are covered in dust and grime and seem to be unraveling, says to the other, a female, “Did you hear that explosion last night?”

“Yes, I was wondering what that was,” she replies. 

Kylo doesn’t understand a lick of Teedospeak but he experiences it as Rey does, as she translates the rough, harsh-on-the-ears language, a reflection of the course, sandy landscape of the planet. Rey had felt the explosion too, as it rattled her from her sleep, making her bones jump. She picked up the nearest sharp object and held it up in defense until she realized the threat was miles upon miles away, even though the smoke had drifted even to her side of the planet. Rey listens intently to the conversation, relaxing her body language to pass as uninterested.

The male Teedo continues, “It was a cargo ship full of human traffickers, young human women.”

“Why would anyone dare to touch cartel possessing _that_?"

He nods, expecting the question, “I was wondering the same thing, but then I overheard one of the guards this morning. Apparently, the ship belonged to one of Plutt's business partners, and he placed a bomb on one of the women without her knowing and took out the whole ship.”

“Why in R’iia’s name would he do that? Does he want a war?” She says, disbelieving. 

“Apparently, the ship was bound for one of the other planets in the Inner Rim and was just passing through Jakku under Plutt’s watch. Anyways, Plutt caught sight of one of the women on the ship and wanted her, but his business partnerrefused to give her up since she was promised to some rich floozy in Coruscant. Let’s just say Plutt was not happy and took out the whole cargo.”

Rey turns her head away, refusing to listen further at their expression of annoyance over the noise of the explosion, shaking her head in disgust. Plutt is a lot of things to Rey, and none of them good, but he has now reached a whole new low in her eyes. Just as Rey adjusts her breastband, pressing it tighter across her chest to hide the fullness developing there and places her goggles back down over her eyes to cover her face, Plutt calls her name and adds, "What do you have for me today, little scavenger?" He likes to taunt her. 

Paying him no mind, she presents her find to him, and Plutt shouts in that gruff, over-used voice of his, “One-quarter portion!”

“What?! This is a least a _half,_ ” her eyes defiant and shoulders pressed back in a defensive stance.

Plutt points to his guards, who place their hand over their blasters, a knowing, half-turned smile edging its way up his lips.

Rey nods her head begrudgingly, grabbing the portion and sulking away. She wants to spit at their feet, but she thinks better of it.

When Rey gets home, her core clenches, rattling her, coming from just below her stomach. That night, she wakes to the sight of blood splattered across her underwear, painting a crimson stain on her sheets. She curses Plutt, as the pain overwhelms her. It’s always worse when she’s hungry, this pain, so sharp one moment to the point where it feels volcanic, much more than skin can contain, and the next it lessens only to shoot within her once again in a constant waxing and waning like that of the tide, of the moon. When she first bled she thought she was dying, but another human explained it to her, called it a monthly. Now, she’s used to it, but it’s never consistent and doesn’t appear for months only to come back full force, making her bleed an endless, red running river. She has to chew on the inside of her mouth to keep herself at bay. “Curse Plutt _,”_ she chants over and over, “Curse Plutt, and curse the moon, supposed to menstruate me, ovulate me.”

As Kylo views the scene before him, he feels nothing but rage boil in his chest. He wants to kill Plutt. He wants to hold her through this, take the pain for her, and he feels so damn useless. A wave overcomes him, sweeping over him, just as he’s being pulled away from the dream into the waking world, but just before he rouses, he hears her say, barely audible and spoken soft as a confession, _If everything’s relative, then there are worse monsters than you._

* * *

 

When Rey arrives at the military headquarters on Coruscant, it is the middle of day, and the sun shines down relentlessly. Rey had been here once before for a few weeks to report to the General about Luke’s status on the island, and the sight of the skyscrapers had struck her with awe—she’d never seen anything like it. Now, although she isn’t quite used to them, they don’t inspire the same astonishment, since she prefers places like the natural green of Takodana.

The base possesses the expected bustle and urgency of a people at war, as they shuffle about to complete their duties, but with an underlying sense of dread—the destruction of the Hosian system had been a blow to their morale. Since then, the few remnants of the Republic fleet that were stationed elsewhere during the attack had teamed up with the Resistance. No longer were they hesitant in dealing with the First Order. 

After Rey reaches the entrance to the hangars and disembarks from her ship, she runs into Finn who stops mid-conversation with someone to gaze up at her with wide eyes before pulling her into a deep hug. Despite the dourness the base emits, Finn’s smile remains radiant, crinkled at the edges.

“What are you doing here?” Finn beams. “The last time we spoke you were training to become a badass Jedi or whatever.”

“I already am a badass Jedi,” she chides him.

“Mhm, well you’d better show me your moves then.” He bumps his shoulder slightly against hers, one side of his lips upturned in a smirk.

Rey smiles at him, but it soon falls. “I wish I had time for that,” she glances off to the side, “as much as I’d like to catch up, I need to speak to the General.”

“ _Rey,”_ Finn presses with a sense of concern, “What’s happened?”

As they walk to the main station, Rey debriefs him on Luke’s escape from Ahch-To and her meeting with Kylo, leaving out the parts that leave her with a confusing twinge in her stomach and anything related to the force-bond.

“And he just left you alone?” Finn’s eyebrows scrunch together, the confusion mixed with disbelief apparent in his voice.

“His main objective is Skywalker. I believe he thought he could find out his whereabouts by intercepting me, but don’t worry Finn,” she places her hand on his shoulder, stopping their quickened pace briefly, “I didn’t give him anything, not on Luke or about the Resistance.” She hopes this answer will satisfy his curiosity, as she doesn’t want to confess the real reason for Kylo’s interest in her.

He puts his hand over the one that grips his shoulder. “I’m just glad you’re okay, Rey,” and after a brief second of looking into each other’s eyes, a look that says _When the war is over, I hope you remain the same as you are now_ , they continue their walking.  

Once they reach Leia, Finn leaves the two of them alone, and Leia brings Rey into a bare meeting room where they can talk privately. The fluorescent lights give every edge and crevice a dull, sterile gleam.

Rey clears her throat and places her hands together, as she sits down in a chair across from Leia. She still doesn’t know how to act around this woman, even when they shared a hug after she returned from Starkiller Base. In a way, she is the closest thing to a mother that Rey has ever had.

“How have you been, Rey?” Leia asks, the concern still present in her tone despite the urgency of the situation.

“Well, as you can see, I’m not dead,” she shrugs, bearing a nonchalant smile, “so that would mean I’m doing pretty well for Jakku’s standards.”

Leia snorts, leaning closer into Rey as if she's telling a secret, “That makes two of us, judging by the standards of someone waging war on a militaristic empire _,_ of course _.”_ The two share a brief look of content understanding, then Leia adds, “Now tell me, what brings you here?”

Rey gives her the same statement that she did Finn with the addition of “Luke told me he would contact me once he was safe. I haven’t received any news from him yet, but I hope it will be soon. Until then, I thought it would be best to come here to wait it out until we find out his whereabouts. But Leia I think...” Rey pauses, her hesitance filling the space where her words fail her, but Leia implores her to continue, “I think it would be best to be discreet once we find Luke. It would be bad for us if the First Order knew the Resistance was involved. We can’t afford to have them on our backs.”

“I completely agree.” She reaches to place her hand over Rey’s, gripping it slightly. “You did very well, Rey. I’m glad to see you made it out okay.” The General removes her hand, and Rey smiles at her before rising to leave. “Now, where do you think you are going?” Leia shakes her head slightly and takes the serious and commanding tone she does when she gives orders to run a rebellion, “Tell me about the connection you and Kylo have.”

Rey’s mouth falls open, and she stammers out, “You knew about that?” She lowers her head, like a scolded child, as she sits back into the chair. She knew that Leia was force-sensitive, but not quite to that extent.

“Of course, I knew about it. I’d know my son anywhere, and you _reek_ of him.”

“Luke tells me it’s some kind of bond. A force-bond. I can sense him from afar, not to exactly pinpoint his location, but I can experience his emotions and how his environment affects him sometimes.” Her two front teeth latch onto to her bottom lip just before she adds, “I even can even enter his mind when he dreams.”

“I’m a bit upset that you kept this from me, but I know why you did it. I can see the fear all over your face. What else happened on Ahch-To, Rey?” Leia’s eyes bore into hers, but they soon soften to express her concern.

She could have told her _I’m scared because I think he’s coming for me,_ but she knew that wasn’t the real reason why she was so wound up. “I didn’t want to give you hope, and I’m not even sure about it myself, but I sense a conflict within him between light and dark, and this conflict...it’s tearing him apart.” She looks up into Leia’s eyes. “I would never excuse him for his actions, but I think there is light in him.”

“Yes, Rey, and I think you may be the key to activating that light. Now, I would never want to make you feel like you must try to bring him back in any way. Only he can do that, but I believe you can act as a sort of guide. If you don’t want any part in this I understand…” Rey can see the glimmer of hope in her eyes, as she tries to keep herself at bay, and she is surprised to see Leia at such a loss for words.

“I’m in this fight whether I like it or not. He’s in my mind, Leia, and I in his.”

“Then do whatever you think is necessary. I trust you,” she adds with a curt nod.

Rey nods her head and rises to walk towards the door.

Leia calls after her, and Rey turns around. Leia continues, “I just wanted to say one more thing: In case I don’t get the chance to tell him myself I want him to know the reason I never became a Jedi. It’s because I have a lot of rage in me. Some of my adversaries during my Senate days said my anger matched even Darth Vader’s. Deep down, I know that if I ever trained as a Jedi, there would have been nothing stopping me from tearing down my enemies. Tell him that for me, when the time is right.”

“I will,” Rey replies, closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Leia ships it lowkey ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes, that all sounds plausible, but,” Snoke’s eyes narrow, his face set into a glower, “I want to know about your motivations in regards to the scavenger. She has piqued your interest, and I want to know why.”
> 
> Kylo’s breath hitches slightly, and he plays it off as if he's emitted an offended scoff. No, Snoke cannot know, he thinks, but instead, he says, “Master, she is strong in the force. I believe she can be a useful asset for the First Order. I admit that I have tried to sway her to our side.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't too happy about this chapter when I first wrote it, and although it's not in the best condition, I hope you still like it! 
> 
> Thank you to @kyloxreytfa for your thoughtful comments on this fanfiction and your advice! You help keep me writing <3

After Kylo’s intervention with Rey on Ahch-to, Snoke summons him to Nam Chorios, the First Order’s newest base. After a few days journey, Kylo’s finally arrived. Currently, he sits on the bed within his spartan-like and bare chambers before a meeting with Snoke to debrief him, gazing out a huge viewport. The desert landscape of the planet is revealed to him, his eyes lost in the burning sands. His thoughts wander to Rey and her own desert planet, as it was shown to him a few nights ago. Her sun blared down on her and the rest of Jakku’s inhabitants with an unrelenting will, but here, the planet is caught in a perpetual state of dusk, giving it a bleak atmosphere, as if the sun is always eclipsed by the moon’s shadow.

The air contains within it something heavy—the ancient, the sacred—and gives him the same eerily feeling when he’s been in the presence of ruins. He feels the absence of a civilization that came before them—his master informed him that humans used to live here, but they succumbed to a plaque called the Death Seed. Snoke said this was convenient for the First Order, as no one would fight them for control of the planet. Still, Kylo cannot rid himself of the sickening feeling at the base of his stomach due to the suffering of these people.

He also feels uneasy, because he cannot use his force powers to his full potential here.

Before his arrival, Snoke warned him of the presence of the mineral life forms, _Tsil_ , which increase the force sensitivity, and the slightest use of the force can set off a force storm. He can only tap into his telepathic powers. 

Kylo was surprised that Snoke would base himself in a planet where his connection to the force is limited, but the First Order plans to find these _Tsil_ and harness them into a weapon of mass destruction, one that would be easier for Snoke to bend to his will. It is not wise to question Snoke’s tactical moves, as he is most wise, but Kylo cautiously anticipates what could happen if they tamper with this power they do not yet fully understand.

Letting out a deep sigh, Kylo rises from his bed and walks out of his chambers, making his way to Snoke’s location. The journey to his master’s quarters is much like a descent into the Underworld, full of twisting turns and various cases of stairs, as it is built into the planet’s caverns, none too far from the mining facilities. With no sunlight down here, the hallways are lit with candlelight. Shadows seem to extend longer here, but Kylo doesn’t mind the darkness—his master taught him to relish in it.

Eventually, he comes to two wide doors that open to a temple-like structure composed of dark, crumbling columns that seem to be etched from stone, an extension of the underground chambers. He gives Snoke’s guards a curt nod before they open the doors and steps forward into the room where he is met with Snoke sitting atop a throne carved from the rocky terrain, a single trail of light shining down on his master. Snoke’s dark robes cover his gnarled, scarred skin, but the hood pulled over his face doesn’t fail to reveal the tarnished skin there and the beady, slanted eyes framed by sharp, thin eyebrows. Standing in front of the throne beneath him, Kylo lowers his head in an obedient bow.

“I trust that you had an easy journey back.”

He raises his head, meeting Snoke’s eyes. “I have, Master.”

Leaning forward in his throne, Snoke gazes down at Kylo. “Now, give me an update on your mission to find Skywalker”

“I was able to sense Skywalker’s presence on the island Ahch-to, but once I arrived, he was gone. However, I found the scavenger, and I hoped to _persuade_ her into giving me information on Skywalker's whereabouts. She refused to give me anything, so I engaged her in combat. We fought for a little while at a cliff’s edge when I knocked her lightsaber out of her hands, and she ran after it as it fell over the cliff. She managed to survive, but then I felt your summoning within the force, so I took my leave.” Kylo has rehearsed this multiples times, making sure to leave out anything related to the bond—his master has yet to come across it, and Kylo will make sure he never will.

“Yes, that all sounds plausible, _but_ ,” Snoke’s eyes narrow, his face set into a glower, “I want to know about your motivations in regards to the scavenger. She has piqued your interest, and I want to know _why._ ”

Kylo’s breath hitches slightly, and he plays it off as if he's emitted an offended scoff. _No, Snoke cannot know,_ he thinks, but instead, he says, “Master, she is strong in the force. I believe she can be a useful asset for the First Order. I admit that I have tried to sway her to our side.”

With his lips upturned in wry amusement, Snoke enters Kylo’s mind, a single hand raising in the air, as he carelessly tears through his recent memories, like a child flipping through a book, ripping the pages without a care. Kylo has expected this, has felt Snoke do this many times, so he’s taken precautions to keep his uttermost feelings concealed, but Snoke manages to come across something: a night covered in snow when Kylo and Rey’s lightsabers were locked in combat, the red and blue lights intermixing to create purple, showing the hot breath that came from his lips, as he yelled passionately, _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the force!_ Satisfied with his discovery, Snoke removes himself from Kylo’s mind, and Kylo emits a breath of relief. He sacrificed that memory to Snoke to prevent further probing. “Is this why you failed on Starkiller Base?” his arms tighten on the sides of the throne, his voice rising, “Because of your _fascination_ with the girl?!”

“I...I will make no excuses.” He lowers his head, truly ashamed of his failure. “I was distracted by her overflowing power, one so uninhibited, and I sought to control it, to make it my own,” he lies. _That’s exactly how a Sith would think._

Snoke tears his eyes away from Kylo, sitting back in his chair, running his hand along his face, as he thinks in quiet contemplation. “I understand the temptation, my apprentice. Believe me, I _understand_ ,” his hands clasp together, “but in this case, you are out of your league. Did you really believe you could turn this girl to the dark side on your own without my guidance?”

Keeping his head lowered, unable to meet his master’s eyes, he lets out a defeated “no.”

“Kylo Ren, I am the one who has always known what is best for you. When your mother sent you away to Luke’s Jedi academy, it was _I,_ ” he points to himself, “who was there for you. When he showed you mere meditation techniques, I deepened and _perfected_ your control over the force. I _made_ you what you are. Since then, you have become unstoppable, until you met the girl. Can’t you see that she is a distraction in your mission to finish what your grandfather has started?”

Kylo nods his head, raising it to gaze at Snoke, because he knows that this is what his master would want, but these days, he isn’t sure anymore.  He has stayed up many long nights contemplating, unable to sleep because of it, ever since his father’s death.

“It seems that I must remind you that to reach your goal, you must eliminate Luke Skywalker, as he presents a threat within the force as a Jedi. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes, Master.” He says as an echo of a once-sure promise, not because he means it, but because he has always known to follow what his master has sought out for him, has always found security about his future in Snoke.

“I admit that I have been harsh,” Snoke sighs, placing his head in the palm of his hand, “but only because I want you to reach your full potential.” He removes his hand and looks directly at Kylo. “I’ve decided that you may pursue the girl, but only _after_ you have given me Skywalker’s head on a platter, and with my guidance, I will _seduce_ her to the dark side and give her as a reward for you, my eager boy.” A malicious smile spreads over Snoke’s face.

A wave of protectiveness runs within Kylo’s chest, causing his fist to clench, and he has to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from shouting:  _No, stay away from her! I won’t let you have her like you had me!_ Instead, he lowers his head and thanks his master for his kindness.

Snoke nods his head, “I expect to see you tomorrow morning to discuss the next step in our plan. You may take your leave.”

*

When Kylo arrives back at his bedchambers, rages courses through his body, violent as a volcano, prone to erupt. He wishes he had his grandfather’s helmet, so he can seek guidance in this matter, but it was lost in the destruction of Starkiller base. On one hand, the pull of Rey’s light calls to him, and yet, Snoke’s grip remains on him, holding him in place. He wants to take his lightsaber and tarnish this room, but he cannot without setting off a storm. He thinks that maybe if he did, for once, everyone would understand how he felt nearly all of the time. Instead, he looks to the moon and all the stars, clenching his fists in acidic sullenness. _As if they’d have an answer._

* * *

 

The next morning, Rey awakens within her dormitory on Coruscant to a summoning from Luke, as he reveals his location on a planet within the Chorios system.

 _Why are you even over there?_ Rey chides, an undercurrent of worry present within her tone. _Isn’t that system harsh for sustaining human life?_

 _And yet you willingly chose to remain on Jakku for most of your life?_ She can practically see him giving her his signature “wiser-than-thou” smirk.

She snorts in response. _I had my reasons._

_As do I. I’m seeking out the Tsil, mineral-based life forms that contain wisdom about the force. They can give knowledge about the future or the past, perhaps. And, anyway, I’ve been to this planet before, so it is familiar to me._

_Well, I’m coming for you._ Rey rises from her bed, dressing rapidly.

_I forbid it. I didn’t notice it before, but I’ve managed to pick up First Order activity nearby. It is far too risky. I will come to you once I’ve acquired the mineral._

She groans in frustration.  _Why are you there in the first place? You’re lecturing me on the riskiness of a situation when you’ve put yourself in the same exact situation. In other words, I’m coming for you anyway._ Rey hooks her lightsaber onto the waistband of her pants, just before she’s out the door, brisking her way to the hangars.

 _This is something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, Rey._ Luke sighs _. You’re not going to give up on this, are you?_ _  
_ _No, your sister misses you. The Resistance needs you, as do_ I _,_ she admits. 

He shakes his head slightly, a grin forming on his lips. _Fine, if you really must do something, then I suggest you stay on the outskirts of the system, so that you don’t tip off the First Order, and I’ll come to meet you once I’m ready. Does that satisfy you?_

She nods her head. And the last thing she sees before she journeys for the Chorios system is a solemn smile from Leia after she’s given Rey a hug, as she says, “Do not hesitate to call for backup.”

* * *

 

Making the descent once again, Kylo emerges within Snoke’s quarters.

“Hello, my apprentice,” Snoke greets him. “I trust that you are well rested now from your journey.”  

“Yes, Master.” He gives his master a confident nod, revealing nothing within his demeanor to betray his doubts. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep last night.  

“Have you felt it? A presence within the force upon this planet?”

“Yes,” Kylo admits, his voice filled with a trace of curiosity. “I can feel Skywalker here.”

Snokes nods. “I believe he has found one of these.” From his robe, he pulls out a clear-colored crystal, which manages to catch what little light there is in the room, its edges jagged and uneven. “He must be meditating with it, seeking knowledge on what to do about _you._ I had felt his force signature before, but I wasn’t sure, which is why I summoned you here.” His gaze settles on the crystal once again. “Can you feel it? The _energy_ channeling within this small mineral, one so ancient, it existed before light and dark?”

“Yes,” Kylo says. The mineral tugs at Kylo, and he cannot look away. “It seems to have a mind of its own.”

Snoke places the _Tsil_ back within his robe, and Kylo tears his gaze away from it, looking at his master once again. “Soon, the preparations will be underway to harness its power and create a weapon of mass destruction. General Hux is underseeing its manufacturing, and you know what you must do about Skywalker.”

Kylo nods, “Will that be all?”

“No, my apprentice. It seems you are eager to leave my presence and complete your mission.” He smirks. “I didn’t realize you disliked your previous master so much. I think you will find what I’m about to tell you very _interesting,_ ” a hint of malice reveals itself in his tone.

“Forgive me, Master. I only wish to do your bidding, to prove myself once again after my _brief_ distraction.”

Snoke nods in acknowledgment before continuing, “While you were on Ahch-to, I sent the Knights of Ren to locate Leia Organa, and they have found her successfully. They will strike soon to rid the Resistance of their general before we crush them once and for all.” He raises a fist in the air, clutching it, before placing it back down to grip the sides of the throne.

A wave of panic rushes within Kylo, rippling over his skin, nearly knocking him off his feet, as the breath is stolen from him. “Are you sure that is wise? Shouldn’t we wait until the weapon is finished?” _No, no,_ he thinks, _Not this, anything but this._ An eye-splitting pressure forms at the base of his forehead. He needs to get out of here, away from this dark place that shadows his thoughts, so that he can think properly.

“The weapon will not take long to create. Are you questioning my orders, Kylo Ren?” Snoke begins to hover over Kylo’s mind, the presence like a curtain falling over him.

“No, my Master,” he cowers, “I was merely trying to provide counsel on such a huge tactical move.” Looking up to Snoke, he asks, “Shouldn’t I go with them? I know how she thinks.” Maybe then _I’ll be able to save her._

“No, you will stick to the larger task: taking down Skywalker. Despite your failure on Starkiller Base, you succeeded in one way: by killing your father. It is not necessary for you to kill another parent. You’ve already passed that test.”

“As you say, Supreme Leader." His face falls into a frown beneath the mask, and he has to bite the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from further protesting.  

“If you hurry, you might be able to make it back in time for the destruction of the Resistance, but I think the thought of your _reward_ may be more promising,” Snoke smirks.

“Once I leave tonight, I will do everything in my power to be back as soon as possible,” Kylo says with an unusual confidence before he strides out the door.

* * *

 

Kylo Ren enters into Snoke’s bedchambers, so deep within the caverns that even the smallest sound causes an echo. His master sits with his legs crossed on a plain rug, sipping on millaflower tea with a dash of bonemer to help restore his weak bones. Snoke is very similar to the grand Sith and Jedi temples of the past: with a large, awe-inspiring, and even fearsome presence, but crumbling and depreciating from within. He has a few trusted servants to help tend to him, but he prefers Kylo Ren the most.

Before sitting beside him, Kylo bows to his master in lieu of a greeting.

Giving a nod of acknowledgment, Snoke says, “I trust that you are prepared for your mission this evening.”

“Yes, Master. I’ve meditated accordingly on my plan of action.”

“Excellent,” Snoke smiles into his cup of tea, before taking his last sip. Once he finished, Snoke wipes the side of his mouth with the palm of his hand. “Now, my apprentice, help me rise.”

Kylo raises himself from the mat and gives Snoke his arm to pull himself up. The pair walks to the edge of a steaming bathtub, the aroma of barenth healing plant and ice mushroom essential oils filling their senses.

Snoke stripes off his clothes himself, but he needs Kylo to help him enter and exit the tub. Usually, Kylo meditates while Snoke soaks himself within the tub, but they rarely talk, instead, each finds individual solitude in the silence, even a sense of comfort. It’s the only time Kylo doesn’t wear his mask while in the presence of others.

Once Snoke settles within the tub, he closes his eyes and emits a long sigh, while Kylo sits a few feet in front of the tub, closing his eyes as well, quietly contemplating.  

After about twenty minutes, much to Kylo’s surprise, Snoke engages him in conversation, “It really is a pity.” The water sloshes slightly, as he raises himself to sit upright within the tub.

“What?” Kylo turns slightly to face Snoke.

“Leia Organa would have been a great asset for our cause, and she would have made a great Sith. Her presence in the force is so... _formidable._ No wonder she has a whole army at her disposal. It’s too bad she grew up in the wrong hands, fed with Jedi _lies_.”

Deep down, Kylo refuses to believe that for a second—his mother had always been so grounded in her righteousness, immaculate even. “She is certainly stubborn in her ways,” Kylo merely comments.

“Yes, and that will be her downfall. In cases of survival, being set in one’s ways isn’t always beneficial. Her Resistance is falling apart, left to collect scraps across the galaxy. We are a galactic empire.” Snoke turns to face Kylo, and his eyes seem to simmer in the dim lighting.

“Do you know how I managed to live so long, to get to where I am today?”

Kylo merely shakes his head.

“Because I understand what it takes to survive, and it all boils down to one thing: _adaptation_ . Sometimes, there are greater forces at work, ones much greater than you, and you must make a choice: you can either bend or you can _die_. Eventually, you bend so many times, you start to learn how your enemy thinks. You must always remember this, Kylo Ren, as the face of this Empire and my eventual successor.”

“I understand, Master.”

“No, I don’t think you do. You,” he points to Kylo, “are brash. You expect fast results, but sometimes, you have to wait for the pieces to fall into place, to plant the poison perfectly before you allow it to spread.” He pauses. “You know, I was there.” His gaze rests on the space in front of him, as he's lost to some far off place, another day, another time. “I was there when your mother’s adoptive father, Bail Organa, helped form the Rebel Alliance.”

Kylo’s eyes widen, taken aback. He doesn’t know much about Snoke’s past, but he didn’t think he would have been on _that_ side.

“Yes,” he smirks. “Then, from under their noses, I built my empire, a vast macrocosm that took years to perfect. Even Palpatine couldn’t accomplish that. He was brash too,” Snoke chuckles. He shifts within the tub. “Now, I am ready to emerge. The water has turned lukewarm.”

Kylo rises from his place on the floor and turns to the bathtub, standing over Snoke. Looking into Snoke eyes, he says, “Master, I’ve always wondered...Why did you choose me?”

“You are strong in the force. You are the grandson of Darth Vader. Isn’t it obvious?” Snoke arches an eyebrow.

Kylo lowers himself to place his grip on Snoke’s wrists to help pull him up, staring deep into Snoke’s eyes. “No, I don’t think that’s the reason.” He looks off to the side. “I was the perfect piece, wasn’t I? The son of your greatest enemy. You knew she couldn’t really kill her own blood. You knew _this_ , he points to himself, “was her weakness.”

“No,” Snoke cautions, “Have I not always told you how special you are?” Snoke doesn’t trust the dark gleam in Kylo’s eyes, how a shadow falls over half his face.

In a lightning-fast move, Kylo pushes Snoke down into the water, holding him down by his shoulders, using the full strength of his body to hover over him, keeping him under. _Now, Rey!_ he tells her through the force-bond, opening himself up to her. He spoke with her earlier and asked her for her aid, for her strength. She didn’t believe him at first and thought it was a trap, but then he told her about Snoke’s plan for Leia, and she agreed, albeit reluctantly.

*

Aboard the Millennium Falcon on the outskirts of Nam Chorios, Rey does as Kylo instructed her, forming a protective shield around Kylo’s mind via the force bond, as he does the same to block out Snoke. Her eyebrows scrunched in deep concentration, she places her head in her hands, groaning aloud, as sweat drips down her forehead.

*

Snoke struggles beneath Kylo’s weight, shaking rapidly, and the only thing Kylo can see is his deep, dark eyes—it’s like looking into the ocean or the spaces in between the stars. While his body fails him, Snoke knows where his strength lies, and so he enters Kylo mind. Much to his surprise, he’s blocked by a strong light, white-bright and impenetrable as the sun. The last thing he hears before he’s forced under the veil is Kylo’s firm voice within his mind, _Your master plan didn’t work. You miscalculated one thing: you cannot control a person. In other words, I’m done being your asset._

Long after Snoke’s body stops struggling, long after the candles have gone out, and the water has turned cold, Kylo takes his hands off Snoke’s body and leaves this darkness behind him.  

*

After she felt Snoke’s demise, Rey collapsed in a heap of exhaustion. Now, she opens her eyes to a sharp pain at the back of her head, and the First Order's galactic fleet surrounding her. _I'm gonna kill him_ , she seethes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References: 
> 
> Nam Chorios: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Nam_Chorios/Legends 
> 
> Death Seed: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Death_Seed 
> 
> *Note: In the EU, there are still humans present on this planet. I merely changed it for plot purposes. 
> 
> Tsil: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tsil
> 
> Force storm: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Force_storm_(weather)
> 
> Millaflower: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Millaflower
> 
> Bonemar: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Bonemer
> 
> Barenth healing plant: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Barenth_healing_plant
> 
> Ice mushroom: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ice_mushroom
> 
> What do you think of Snoke? I've always thought of him as a grand schemer, kind of like Littlefinger in Game of Thrones.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Kylo Ren, the sad poet, and Maz Kanata's "I'm-not-gonna-take-your-sadboi-shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I'm sorry if this chapter seems rushed. I start classes tomorrow at my college, and I was trying to get it finished as fast as possible. I hope y'all like it anyway! <3

_Three moon cycles later_

Kylo Ren scrutinizes the holoprojected image in the main square of a small town near Nymeve Lake in Takodana among the citizens of the planet. This projector is older than its more advanced counterparts, glitching every now and then, presenting its images in black and white rather than color. Kylo Ren chose this planet on purpose as a fugitive of the First Order, because it was small and irrelevant enough to aid him in remaining undetected, but the First Order still had its clutches on it—there were so few places in the galaxy that didn’t these days.

The onlookers beside him stare up in faint surprise, expecting the message, since it has been repeated many times but in different ways over the past few months. However, Kylo glares up at the image of General Hux talking about the increased reward for his capture, as someone at the top of the First Order's most wanted list. The hood placed over his head covers the way he _seethes_ but doesn’t fail to hide the way he clenches his fists at his sides, wanting to punch a hole into Hux’s immaculate appearance. Then, Hux does something unexpected—suddenly, he sees Rey crouched on the floor looking up into the projector, and her eyes provide the audience with a defiant stare, her face set in stone. 

_So, they haven’t broken her,_ Kylo sighs in relief, but then he sees the chains mangled around her wrists, and his breath hitches, as he gulps down a breath of air, trapping it within his lungs.

“I have a message for Kylo Ren, wherever he is,” General Hux says, “I thought the image of your precious little scavenger in chains would persuade you to turn yourself in.” Hux looks to Rey and pulls her up by her chains, bring her face to the level of his, and Rey scowls up at him before trying to bite him, but Hux pushes her back just in time, a smirk plastered across his face. “It’s you for her, Kylo Ren. Make your choice," and Rey's image disappears. Hux looks off to the side, stroking his chin. “I don’t think you want us to take more _extreme_ measures and project it for the world to see.” With that, Hux’s image diminishes in an instant, and it takes everything in Kylo to stop him from taking his lightsaber out and cleaving the place where Hux’s image stood mere seconds before in half. Instead, he turns away from the crowd, maneuvering through the various floods of people and their intrigued mutterings, and stalks off into the night, their voices so absent to him.

These days he only comes out at night. There are many reasons for this, some of them practical and some of them self-inflicted. At night time, it’s easier to blend into the shadows, to keep himself hidden. With his face being projected, both masked and unmasked, around the galaxy, he must take these precautions. But the truth is, Kylo can’t stand to be outdoors during the daytime. He feels too disconnected from the purposeful and repetitive bustle of people moving from place to place ever since he defeated Snoke and deflected from the First Order. The sun also hurts his eyes, blurring his vision, and reminds him of a smile, of a radiant hope, of Rey. Rey who he had lost to General Hux and the First Order, and Rey who had never been his in the first place to lose. _Just as he was beginning to form some semblance of trust with her...they took her away!_ He thinks, his thoughts are as rapid as his walking pace.

Now, without a home, without a place in the galaxy, he’s spent the last few months hopping around no-name planets, trading starships on the black market to keep the First Order off his tail. Although his face is known just about anywhere, with a hood pulled over his face, he looks like any generic human man, dressing in brown instead of his signature black robes.

His sole objective is to get Rey back, but he is just one man against a galactic empire, rendering the pursuit useless. What worries him the most is her silence. Ever since she had been captured, the bond had gone dead, leaving Kylo with a huge ache in his chest right above his heart, a gaping hole that led to nowhere and nothing, a bottomless pit. To fill the silence, Kylo has left pieces of her all over the galaxy in hidden places by carving her name into tree trunks of ancient, long-forgotten lands, etching it under tables of cantinas, writing it on wave-ridden sands, grazing his fingers with the one-syllable word across fogged-up viewports, uttering it into the bottom of alcoholic beverages, chanting it to every moon on every goddamned planet he’s visited, a love letter to the sky. His most obsessive task of all, to the point that it has become ritualistic, is how he writes messages to her on pieces of paper and stows them in discreet places.

Currently, he makes his way to Maz’s Castle and heads straight for a seat at the bar. Being here is a huge risk, due to its affiliations with his past activities as Snoke's first hand, but this is the planet where he first met her, and he’s stopped being smart a long time ago when it came to Rey, nearly everything given up in the midst of reckless abandon, only to see her once again.

Already half-way deep in a glass of brandy, he sits, hunched over and filled with regret, the ghosts of his past leaving room for nothing else, and writes about Rey onto a thin napkin, the angry pressure of his hand on the quill making the napkin bleed with his ink. He prefers this ancient method of writing, the way the old Jedi and Sith used to document their teachings. It makes the act timeless. 

He places his drink down over a stack of papers on his right to keep them held down, the ones he’s kept over his journey. Their edges are worn from use and crumpled, their spilled ink making them stick together. They possess mad-rambles of a desperate man and half-formed thoughts, fragments of a woman who has always been so untouchable to him—all he has left of her are these fragments, a strand of her hair gold-tinted in the sunlight, the reflection of the emerald light of her lightsaber onto her face, a flash of her teeth just before her face breaks into a smile. He writes lovely, dangerous things on these napkins like:

We are each other’s dark mirrors: our scars

identical—the stars cry

in our name.

 

-and-

 

Like water or light,

[you]

slip

right through my fingers.

 

-and-

 

Rey. The tip of the tongue taking a trip to catch the back of the bottom row of teeth, leaving the mouth agape. The endless _ey._ Most people close themselves to the sound, but I prefer to remain open to her, as if to breathe her in at all times—my constant utter of breath against her lips, a completely different kind of intimacy, of journey—one in which I don’t even have to move a limb, and yet, I’m more moved than if I traveled through a thousand planets, seen a hundred faces. Because all the galaxy brings me back to you.

He grips the quill in his hands, almost tight enough to break it in half. He cannot find the words to express himself, his thoughts too jumbled and broken in thought to make any cohesive sense. All he knows is that it's all his fucking fault that she’s gone, if he hadn’t asked for her strength, if only he’d been onto Hux’s plans, if only...

A face appears to him from behind the counter, two huge eyes peering at him from behind a pair of goggles.

“My, my,” the woman says in restrained awe, “you look exactly like your father when he was young.”

Glancing up from his hunched over position but unable to meet the woman’s eyes, he says through clenched teeth, “That was the wrong thing to say,”

“I know,” she replies. “But it was what you needed to hear.” She pulls off her goggles and places them up over her head.

“How can you be _so_ sure?” The venom builds up in his tone, a mix of bitter sarcasm and surprise at her audacity. This little humanoid doesn’t know a thing about him.

“My name is Maz Kanata,” the light in the room captures her goggles, making Kylo see his own reflection in them, “and the force moves through me just as it does in you, but in a different way, through streams of insight and visions.” She passes her hand through the air, gazing off to the side before setting it back down to look at him. “I’ve been alive for a long time, longer than you, than anyone else I have ever known. I’ve seen civilizations rise and fall: all part of the great fight between light and dark, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that light is not equivalent to good, nor dark to evil. ”

“And what has this got to do with me?” _Why is she even pestering me with this “wiser-than-thou” speech?_ He thinks, as he picks up his drink and swivels the liquid inside, glancing down at it.

“Well, you,” she points to him, “are caught in the middle of it. You and the girl, that is.”

“Rey,” he hums her name and meets Maz’s eyes.

She nods, “Yes, you two are the balance in the force.”

“She is lost to me.” He looks down, the sadness bleeding its way into his tone, causing his countenance to droop.

“And you’re sitting around here, drinking yourself to death and writing sad poems in her name?” She points down to the stacks of papers at his side, her small eyes still managing to bore into him.

He snorts and shakes his head slightly, his shoulders sagging. “It’s impossible to get her back, even if I know where she is, even if Hux showed her face all over the goddamned galaxy and _taunted_ me with her in chains, screaming ‘Come on and get her, Kylo!’” He sneers at the mention of his enemy's name, shifting in his seat. “No matter how angry, how driven I am, I don’t have an army at my disposal.”

“My boy, you don’t need an army.” 

“You sound like you have an answer to my predicament, and in that case, you might as well get on with it.” The chiding and commanding manner of speaking from his First Order days makes its way in his voice.

“I do,” she smiles, completely unfazed by his rude behavior, “You must seek out the help of your uncle, Luke Skywalker. He wants her back as much as you do.”

“Absolutely not,” he nearly drops the glass onto the floor at her suggestion. “I have nothing to say to him, and plus,” he takes a swig of his drink, “I doubt he even wants to see me,” his tone wistful in its sorrow.

“Then, you’d better get a more comfortable chair. You are going to be here awhile.”

He lets a frustrated groan. “I cannot go back to him. He won’t understand why I’ve done the things I’ve done. He’ll expect me to fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness.”

“I’m sure you can put aside your past history with him for Rey. Aren’t you willing to do anything to get her back?”

“Yes,” he admits in a soft voice.

“Then, you’d better get a move on and contact him.”  

_I am not ready_ he thinks, but instead he says, “Okay.” He rises from his chair and begins to gather his things.

“Before you leave, I think there’s something you need to know.” She looks deep into his eyes. “I’ve known Han for a long time, and I sincerely believe that he has forgiven you, so you don’t have to punish yourself so much. You still have some atoning to do, but believe me, this,” she points to the now-finished glass of brandy, “is not the correct way.”

Tears begin to sting at his eyes, and he presses his teeth together to keep them from spilling over. “Thank you,” he mutters before dashing out the door.

* * *

 

Kylo waits for Luke within the woods of Takodana, and the moonlight leaks through the leaves of the trees, giving them a dim glimmer. The fog sits unusually heavy tonight, thick as smoke, and Kylo can barely see ten feet ahead of him.

After ten minutes, the leaves begin to tremor, as a starship lands, blowing a strong gust of wind in his direction. The lights of the ship slice through the fog, blinding him, and he has to lift his hand over his face to cover his eyes. The figure of his uncle emerges, his signature Jedi robes shifting in the wind, blocking the light from the ship, so Kylo can place his hand back at his side. It’s too dark to see the look on his uncle’s face, but he suspects it matches his own expression, one of uneasy and cautious eyes with a sorrowful look that says _How did we end up like this?_

When Luke walks up to Kylo, their eyes meet for a split second, yet neither of them speaks, stunned to silence—how do you fit a lifetime of explanations into a couple of sentences? Finally, Luke opens his mouth to say, “I felt Snoke’s demise within the force….You did good, Ben.” He places his hand on Kylo’s shoulder, grasping it slightly before placing it back down again at his side.

Kylo wants to correct him on the use of his old name, but he can’t find it within himself to do so and solemnly nods his head instead. Unable to explain himself, Kylo says, “And what about Rey?” He looks at his uncle, the tone of his voice matching the desperation in his eyes, “I’m the reason that General Hux took her,” his voice rises slightly at the mention of his enemy’s name, “if I hadn’t asked for her help in defeating Snoke, she would have been able to defend herself.”

“Blaming yourself isn’t going to do any good.” Luke sighs, looking off to the side. “She chose to go into First Order territory. She knew the risks. And plus, could she have really fought a galactic empire by herself?”

Kylo huffs, clearly discontent with this answer. “Then, how are we going to get her back?”

“I don’t know about you,” a smirk plays at his lips, “but I’ve done this a couple of times, and I didn’t have someone with pertinent knowledge about the enemy, so I’d say the odds are in our favor.”

Kylo nods in response. Then, he and Luke embark onto the starship.

_A T-70 X-wing fighter,_ Kylo notes, _Not as advanced as his old starship, but discreet enough to get the job done._

When Kylo and Luke enter the ship’s cockpit, Kylo sees two figures sitting in front of the control system. Upon recognition, he feels blind anger well within his chest. “What are _they_ doing here?” he spits out, the acid spite in his tone reaching everyone’s ears, as he points accusingly at Poe and Finn, while glaring at his uncle, refusing to look in their direction.

“We need all the backup we can get,” Luke replies in a calm, stern voice, as he was expecting Kylo’s protest. “Do you honestly think we could bribe anyone into going on a suicide mission to infiltrate the _First Order’s_ main base?”

Before Kylo can reply, Poe says, with as much bitter bile as Kylo did previously, turning to face Kylo, “Believe me, I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Finn rises from his seat and places himself between Poe and Kylo, saying “If there’s anyone who dislikes this situation, it’s me, but we,” he looks to Poe, “are here for _Rey_.”

Kylo nearly growls at the familiarity with which Finn says her name.

“Gentlemen,” Luke sighs into his hand and says, “Can we all just agree to put aside our differences,” he glares at Poe and Finn, with whom he had a previous conversation about keeping their cool, “to reach our common goal of finding and saving Rey.”

They all begrudgingly nod their heads, cautiously looking at each other.

“Now,” Luke places his hands together, “let’s all sit down and discuss our plan of action, as _civilized_ people,” his eyes dart to Kylo. Finn agrees to Luke’s request, as does Kylo, although he sits with arms crossed, a scowl hung low on his face. “Shall we begin then," Luke says. They all nod, their gazes fixed toward Kylo.

* * *

 

How does one infiltrate a galactic empire’s military base that holds two thousand people and even more machines whose sole purpose is to keep the place running? You stick to the shadows and blend in with the crowd until you get where you need to go, but for a tall, hulking man like Kylo Ren who is at the top of the First Order’s most wanted list, that is a task much easier said than done. However, Kylo Ren is an expert force user, and his mind tricks can work on nearly anyone. Once you manipulate your way to the base’s main power system, all it takes is the press of a button. However, in the end, Kylo Ren doesn’t press the button. Instead, he leaves Finn and Poe to guard it until the moment is just right to press the button. What did his master call it? Planting the poison perfectly before allowing it to set? Instead, Kylo Ren turns himself in. 

Currently, two guards stand on both sides of Kylo, two pillars pressing against him, as they hold him by each of his arms, leading him through the lowest level of the base, an endlessly long hallway lit by fluorescent lights that hit the stark white tiles of the floor and ceiling. Kylo remembers this as the place where they keep the prisoners.

Despite his current situation, Kylo merely looks in front of him and thinks about how the ceiling and the floor manage to fade into one if he looks far ahead enough, a blank expression planted on his face.

Eventually, they come to the end of the hall, where General Hux meets them, just in front of the door holding the First Order’s highest-classified prisoners. He smiles at Kylo with more bite than mock happiness, pure satisfaction in his eyes, “I’ve been expecting you, Kylo Ren.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” Kylo replies, appearing utterly disinterested, more concerned with a speck of dirt on his shoe than the man in front of him. Secretly, he wants to wipe that smile right off General Hux’s face in ways that involve more blood and brute force, but he contains himself for the sake of this mission.

“Eager to see your scavenger, aren’t we? You know,” he brings his hand up to his face to stroke his chin for a second in consideration before placing it back down, “I always wondered why you found such interest in the scavenger. You made such _stupid, uncalculated_ decisions in her presence. You even put her before the mission, but then it hit me, something that Snoke couldn’t even fathom, you _care_ for the girl,” Hux’s eyes narrow, “You have feelings for her.”

“Where is she?” he asks in a whisper, looking at Hux for the first time.

Hux scoffs. “This weakness has cost you dearly, Ren. Tell me: was she worth it?”

“Seeing as though I’ve come here with my hands up and haven’t even put up a fight, what do you think the answer to that question is?” Kylo deadpans.

Hux shakes his head, shifting his feet beneath him, and turns around towards the door. He places his hand on a scanner and the door slides open. Hux leads them to the last prison cell wherein Rey lies down on a cot, staring up at the wall, unable to see them through the one-sided mirror. “She doesn’t move much these days,” Hux says. “We tried torturing her for information in the beginning, but we didn’t find anything useful. Ever since then—you’ll be happy to know, I’m sure—she’s remained unharmed.”

Kylo listens intently to the state of her condition, but then his gaze falls to her hands, which are bloodied at the tips, the fingernails almost completely ripped away. He turns his head to the walls of her cell and finds a finger mark for each passing day written in her own blood. Instantly, his head snaps to meet Hux, “You didn’t think to give her a writing utensil at least?” He has to bite back his own tongue to keep himself in check—he wants nothing more than to strangle Hux himself, to feel the life bleed out of him, as he did with Snoke.  

Hux shrugs. “It can be used as a weapon. She’s proved herself to be resourceful in her dealings with you, and I’m not idiotic enough to take any chances.” His eyes slide over Kylo, his lips pinched together.

Kylo’s ignores the insult hurled his way, as he notices a small reptilian creature within a cage in the right corner of the cell. “What is that?” He points to it.

Hux smirks. “That is a Ysalamir from Myrkr. It repels the force by creating a force-neutral bubble. You would not believe what measures I had to go through to get one of these.” His chest puffs up in pride at his accomplishment.

Realization dawns upon Kylo, as relief washes over him. _So, our bond hadn’t been broken. She wasn’t lost to me,_ he thinks.

“Let’s say hello, shall we?” Hux smirks and begins to open the door.

The moment the door slides open, Kylo utters _Now!_ within Poe and Finn’s minds. In an instant, the base goes pitch black, and an ear-shattering alarm starts blaring, the emergency system beginning to kick in.

Amidst the chaos, Kylo rips free from his captors, before punching them in the face and knocking them out.

Hux stands in front of the door, placing his arms on the edges of the door, to effectively block Kylo’s path to Rey. As Kylo begins to advance on Hux, Rey knocks Hux on the side of his head with a tray, spilling its food contents on the floor, as Hux falls with a heavy thud.

When Kylo eyes meet the steel set of her jaw and the gritty determination in her eyes, the sky cracks open before him, and the ground shifts beneath his feet, just as it did on Starkiller base when she bested him. She doesn’t exactly hug him, no, but she clasps his hand in hers and beckons him forward. He hears her think in passing, _You came back for me,_ a thought gone much too fast in the midst of it all. Kylo looks to Hux lying unconsciously on the floor.

“Hey, look at me.” She turns his face to meet hers, her hand gripping his chin. “There’s no time for that.” Her breath is hot on his face, and Kylo concedes. Before he knows it, they’re running through a labyrinth it seems, their hands gripped together so tight that it hurts, and with the full surge of the force bond bleeding back into him, Kylo wonders where Rey begins and he ends in the frantic pace of the steps beneath them and the hot breath leaving their lungs and meeting the air around them.

Before he knows it, Luke comes for them with the ship, and he watches as she unites with her friends, a smile on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EU references: 
> 
> Holoprojector: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Holoprojector
> 
> Nymeve Lake: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Nymeve_Lake
> 
> Black One: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Black_One
> 
> Ysalamir: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ysalamir
> 
> What do you think of my little reylo interaction? ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me @villainous-surrender on tumblr!


End file.
